SCOTT DEPOT, WV (ANS) -- Super Bowl XLII will be played on February 3, 2008. For many years, on Super Bowl night, Kitty and I with many friends would gather in the home of Bob and Doris Cottrell who lived at Scott Depot, WV. Since the last game they have moved to Houston, TX. That means we’ll probably watch the game at home this year and will certainly enjoy it.

I began collecting and writing football definitions that have a churchy twist in 1984. A college president friend, Dr. Max Gaulke, of Houston, Texas, sent to me 13 such definitions which had been written by the Rev. Earl J. Banning of Houston

A conversation with nationally recognized sports writer, Bob Fallstrom, of the Herald and Review, Decatur, Illinois, and his writing about my few church-related football definitions gave me the needed encouragement to pursue it further. As I have added more than 60 others to those initial definitions, the stories about them have appeared in newspapers, magazines and on radio programs throughout the nation.

Here are some of those definitions that you may enjoy and share with others.

1. DRAFT CHOICE - the decision to sit close to a heating vent in winter or an air conditioning vent in Summer.

2. END ZONE - the pews.

3. PASS INTERFERENCE - what Mama does with her eyes when she sees Johnny writing a note to his friends in church.

4. IN THE POCKET - where too many church members keep God’s tithe and their offerings.

5. BENCH WARMER - an inactive church member.

6. FUMBLE - a lousy sermon.

7. CHEERLEADERS - ladies complimenting the preacher on the sermon.

8. QUARTERBACK - what church members, who believe religion is free, want after putting 50 cents in the offering.

9. PASSING GAME - what the ushers do with offering plates on Sunday morning.

10. HEAD COACH - the pastor.

11. ASSISTANT COACHES - ministerial staff and Sunday School teachers.

12. GROUND CREW - custodians.

13. LINEBACKERS - church members who can stop any forward progress or members who wait in line to back everything the official board does not approve.

14. CORNERBACKS - those who occupy the back pews.

15. INTERFERENCE - whispering and talking during the sermon.

16. ILLEGAL MOTION - leaving before the benediction.

17. PENALTY - what the church gets when its members stay home.

18. PUNT - what the pastor does when nothing else seems to work.

19. SAFETY - when the offering reaches budget level

20. FIELD GOAL - when Sunday School and worship attendance is above average.

21. TOUCHDOWN - when attendance and giving records are broken.

22. FAN RESPONSE - saying “Amen” to the sermon.

23. HUDDLE - weekly meeting of the church gossip team.

24. RUNNING BACKS - those who run in and out several times during a worship service.

25. DRAFT CHOICE #2 - beverage of your choice. (contributed by Lorne Boatman of Decatur, IL.)

26. HOLDING PENALTY - result of church members who believe nothing can be done about anything.

27. NATIONAL ANTHEM - the choir and congregation doing their best singing “Amazing Grace.”

28. FINAL GUN - the benediction.

Churches often make a special day out of Super Bowl Sunday. Fans gather at the church and in private homes. Some pastors have been known to preach while wearing an official’s shirt. Churches may extend special invitations to all the football players, cheerleaders and band members in their community and area.

Pastors can always preach on such subjects as “What Makes a Church Super?”, “Being A super Church in our World”, “We Have a Super Savior” and “Let’s all Be super Saints.” Turn your sanctified football and church imagination loose. You may be surprised at what God will lead you to do to make this one of the greatest days of the year for your church.

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Bill Ellis is a syndicated columnist, and convention and conference speaker on every continent. He is the writer of more than 1600 columns and widely known as a motivator utilizing enjoyment of life and just plain fun and laughter while speaking to high school, university and professional sports teams as well as to business and professional groups of all kinds. His keen understanding of human problems make him a favorite speaker for youth, parent, and senior adult meetings. He is accompanied by Kitty, his wife, favorite singer, editor and publisher. For information on becoming a subscriber to the Ellis Column for your newspaper or magazine, you may contact him at: BILL ELLIS, P.O.Box 345, Scott Depot, WV 25560 or by calling: 304-757-6089.